【Watch The Masseuse Fired into The Wifes Hole Online】

Arianna Huffington has taken her sleep evangelism to another level.

"'I am beckoning simplicity from this moment forth,Watch The Masseuse Fired into The Wifes Hole Online' whispered the pillow," is how her new wellness site describes an apparently very verbal, and pricey, pillow.

A few months ago The Huffington Post creator stepped down from her eponymous digital news outlet to focus on her health and wellness startup, Thrive Global, and promote her pro-sleep message.

The site, which launched this week, has an online store with five pages of products all promoting self-care, but some of the offerings take loving yourself too far.

$99 pillows

Naturally a site all about rest and recharging would offer sleep accessories. But an embroidered pillow for $99? And one for $88 that says "sleep your way to the top?"

Sleep-boosting cribs

Babies getting their rest is really important, but $1,160 important? This crib promises to rock your baby and make it feel swaddled.

This bed for all your smartphones to sleep in

Featured on the shop's homepage is the phone bed, which looks like the bed Charlie's grandparents all share in Charlie and the Chocolate Factorywith room for 10 phones. The charging station, which features a satin mattress, is supposed to be a place to put away your phone and separate it from your resting space. As the site describes it, "By giving our phones their own bed - outside our bedroom - we can say goodnight to our day and get the sleep we need to wake up fully recharged."

Goodnight Moon-inspired audio book

If you're having trouble putting your phone down in its bed, be sure to play it a reading of Goodnight Smartphone, written and voiced by Huffington herself.

Aside from these rather ridiculous options, the touchy-feely online store actually has plenty of health-promoting, average-priced shopping options, like Fitbits, sunscreen and ergonomically correct office furniture.

Let's just hope our new bathroom scale doesn't start whispering to us like that pillow.