【Horror】

Do we need to have Horrormultiple choices when purchasing a pickle-shaped vibrator?

This is the question that came to mind upon hearing the news that Lox Club, the Jewish dating app that might not actually be all that Jewish, would be releasing its very first pickle vibe.

Make sure you read that carefully. Lox Club's release is not thefirst ever of this specific sex toy, but merely the first one that it, as a company, is releasing. Formerly, Emojibator's pickle vibrator was the leading brined cucumber in the sex toy space. Incidentally, the two toys look basically identical, but according to a Lox Club spokesperson, they bear no relation beyond their appearance.

"To pay homage to Lox Club's deli roots, Lox Club worked with its own fabricator to make it exclusive," the spokesperson clarified.

So now, we must reckon with the reality that we live in a world where not one, but at least two vibrators that look like pickles are out there. We must reckon with the reality that Lox Club calls this toy a "dill-do" in its product description. And with this reckoning, we must stand strong and remember that though pickles got the "hot girls eat" treatment, we don't necessarily have to feel hot for pickles insofar as we use them for sexual pleasure.

The cost of pickle vibrators

Really and truly, I don't want to yuck anyone else's yum. If a literal pickle gets you off, more power to you. But it's clear the intent behind these toys is to make you laugh at how ridiculous they are.

As for Emojibator's take? Well, there isn't even a pickle emoji. But at least the Emojibator pickle's product page lets you know that it's waterproof, is made of silicone, and has ten vibration settings. Also, with a name like Emojibator, it's clear the brand is going for niche and novelty, and so it has priced its pickle in the gag gift range at $34. (OK, maybe at the high end of that range.)

Lox Club's version is almost double the price, a disrespectful $65. The product page gives no information as to what the vibrator is made of, how big it is, whether it's rechargeable or battery operated, or if it has any variation in its vibration settings. It does however, have tongue-in-cheek copy about using a pickle as a sex toy, so there's that.

Side note: There are so many good vibrators and sex toys that cost less than $65! They may not look like pickles, but you'll actually want to use them, and we promise that they will bring more of a smile to your face than the oh-so-funny joke of "ha-ha pickles are kind of phallic."

Do you have to agree with one writer's opinion about how you should spend your money? You certainly dill-don't. Buy the pickle vibrator if it speaks to you, because at the end of the day, whether or not a company wants to sell a "funny" sex toy is up to them. Gag gifts are meant to be gags.

It's just interesting that Lox Club, a dating app that seems to take itself at least somewhat seriously, had the opportunity to bring a top-tier sex toy to its audience. Instead, they made an overpriced vibrator with no information about how it works, making a joke that treats actual pleasure as both a punchline and an afterthought. But hey, at least we have plenty of options for sex toys out there.