【2023 Archives】

Prince has died. Zika virus has spread. A megalomaniacal023 Archives habitual liar is one presidential election from the nuclear launch codes.

This is a tough year to be American. But all is not lost, countrymen and women.

Praise Jesus, we do have Christian Pulisic.

The hottest young thang in American soccer, at least since Landon Donovan (or maybe ever,while we're at it), is our national saving grace in a year delivered straight from Hades.

Pulisic cannot be stopped, and he will not slow down.

On Wednesday night, Pulisic, who is only 17 years old, made his first start in the Champions League, a tournament for the best clubs from across Europe. Pulisic registered an assist in a 6-0 win for his German club, Borussia Dortmund. That made Pulisic only the fourth American player to get an assist in Champions League play since 2010, according to ESPN stats whiz Paul Carr.

And he's only 17, as every hyperventilating American soccer fan keeps reminding pretty much everyone within earshot pretty much all the time.

American soccer fans were staid and reserved in their reaction to Pulisic's assist. Haha, just kidding. This tweet encapsulates the mood well.

PULISIC CHAMPIONS LEAGUE ASSIST pic.twitter.com/LK9yBH2LzA

— Stars and Stripes FC (@StarsStripesFC) September 14, 2016

All together now: He's only 17!

Wednesday's Champions League assist isn't exactly a surprise, though. It's more like a confirmation.

Make no mistake: Pulisic beenhad been ballin'.

A week ago, Pulisic made his first start for the U.S. men's national team. The U.S. won, Pulisic got an assist and his older teammates came away very impressed. It was also hard not to notice that the little dude oftentimes looked like the liveliest, most dangerous American on the pitch, beating defenders one-on-one, cutting in from all angles and delivering several almost-assists to go with his actual one.

Pulisic scored his first goal for the U.S. in May. That made him the youngest American ever to find the back of the net for the national team. No big deal. Check it out here.

What a moment! 17-year-old Christian Pulisic becomes the youngest goalscorer in #USMNT history. #USAvBOL https://t.co/c7r0L6dt8m

— FOX Soccer (@FOXSoccer) May 29, 2016

So yeah, things are going well for young Christian Pulisic. He's playing real minutes for a big European team and many American soccer fans already want to see him become a full-time starter.

Of course, U.S. soccer history is littered with the broken dreams of hyped youngsters who never quite panned out. But Pulisic? Pulisic is different, the experts and self-appointed experts all say.

And hey, man -- 2016 has been a rough year. You can't blame us for being a little overexcited.