【Future Sex (2018)】

If your significant other buried all your beans in the ground then refused to tell you where they were,Future Sex (2018) what would you do? It's a situation you may not have considered before, but after reading this wild, maybe fake Reddit post, you'll want to give it some thought.

User ThrowRA_BeanDrama — which is a burner account, according to his post — first posted about his bean drama on Wednesday on the subreddit r/relationships, then posted to r/TIFU (Today I Fucked Up) when his original post was deleted. The original also appeared on the curated Twitter account @redditships, where it remains in full.

Basically the alleged story is this: The writer, a self-identified 30-year-old man, stocked up on 30 cans of beans for his and his girlfriend's (who is also 30) self-quarantine. One day, he tried to get out two cans of beans for chili and couldn't find any of the beans anywhere. Why? His girlfriend had buried the beans in the woods.

Her justification was that the beans were the couple's most valuable possession — that, if "things [got] bad" they'd be in danger of getting stolen. (Probably a stretch, but we'll forgive a little prepper energy right now.) Then, she refused to tell him where the beans were. She wouldn't even draw him a map to the beans.

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"She said if I knew she was afraid I'd dig them up," he wrote. "I said damn right I would. She said 'I will never jeopardize the beans.'"

At this point in my reading journey, I figured this was an isolation-induced dustup that would be funny to both parties in the end. Quarantine can do some weird things to the brain, right? Well, I was wrong. She broke up with him and moved out of the apartment.

Now the poster is not only single and alone, but is also responsible for paying 100 percent of the rent for his house. And even though he was in the right — the wisdom of burying beans aside, hiding someone's property from them is not cool — he doesn't seem to feel that demanding to know the beans' whereabouts was worth it.

"I have lost the love of my life because I couldn't let the damn beans go," he wrote. "My heart is shattered and my finances are jeopardized because of a bean hoard."

Compelling though this tale may be, there's a solid chance it's fake. Though it's not clear why the original post was removed from r/relationships, the whole thing does sound pretty far-fetched. Then again, anything is possible in a time when beans are venerated and everyone is feeling bad. If nothing else, consider this a fable. If your lover buries your beans, maybe they were never your beans to begin with. Or something.

We've reached out to the poster and will update if we hear back.